Saturday, October 9, 2010

doubt will not exist.


There are many things in life that are anticipated, wished for and know that are just right at that right moment in life. For her she always knew that it was coming, but she always brushed it off like a joke, as if it were something that was said and shouldn't be believed in so heartly. Its been the same thing for her for a long long time, maybe this is just a product of never really realising the future was that close behind her.

She always thought she was the realistic one, the one that didn't make up the dreams and had her two feet firmly on the ground along with her mind and dreams. But now, its like she's no longer living in the present, that she so prides herself on, she's living in the past of her dreams and forgotten to move forward with the passing time.

It all makes logical sense, it needs to be done, its about time it happens and more importantly she feels like there is nothing that seems unlogical about it in her heart and how she feels. But deep deep down inside there's that old naggin feeling that makes her not quite sure if it will be all about smiles and happiness.

Its really the challenges and the obstacles of the outside world that worry her. The things that would make something seemingly so easy and wonderful turned into something that has to be continuously pushed towards. She wants it to mark her life, not anyone else, that she can be who she wants to be without regret, without not trusting her to make the choices that will count towards her future.

So leave her alone when the time comes because its the only way that doubt will not exist.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Future Panics of the Present.


This last month has been panic...
Mostly future things that seem to be so much closer to present things.
She's still wondering if she's ready.
Even though she knows its silly to question it.

There are things that don't seem to be working out like it should...
But in a way she probably expected that.
So hopefully it will work itself out without too much pain.




(This is not constructive.
So hopefully something better next time.)


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Blog This; Fifty

50 things that I want to remember...

I met this boy, he was young and naive and so was I. It will be eight years this year that we had that first kiss. There is a future planned and there is so much that I don't ever want to forget. This is 50 things that I want to remember about us, even when I get too old to remember them all.



1. She first noticed him in an almost all-male technical drawing class when they were fourteen. He sat behind her and never really spoke to her. Instead he poked her in the back with a T-Square. Not love at first sight.

2. He was a bad boy, broke the rules, never paid attention in class and never really cared what everyone thought. She was a nerd, tried hard in her studies and always wanted to have people proud of her. She unadmittedly was attracted to this particular bad boy.

3. She remembers only one thing about this certain boy before they even really knew each other. In her first year of high school she had worked extra hard in maths and was beaten by a boy at the front of the class in their yearly test. He was that boy. She vowed she would get him back one day. She beat in their technical drawing class not once but multiple times.

4. She had asked him out first. He said no. He’s reasoning is that he had planned to leave the country to live overseas. He never left. He likes to say that it was because he believed that their relationship would last ‘forever’. She likes reminding him that he rejected a good thing and almost lost it too.

5. He likes to live in his dreams while she walks in the reality of things. He wanted to marry her from the very beginning. She was very sceptical, anti-commitment and was not a dreamer. Maybe after eight years she’s slightly better at the anti-commitment but definitely more sceptical as to why he would still want to marry her. He is still a dreamer.

6. He is attracted to a certain type of girl and she’s attracted to a certain type of accent. It works for them. Honestly, she just got real lucky there.

7. She’s a sci-fi nerd at heart. Thank god that he is too, secretly.

8. She never thought that it would last this long. She now wishes that it will last for the rest of her life.

9. She likes chocolate. Not because she likes to eat it. He used to hide a bar of chocolate in his school jacket and eat it cube by cube throughout the day. She had never met anyone who was able to consume that much chocolate all in that short time span. She was easily impressed at the beginning.

10. She would love to see him as a father. It would probably complete her admiration for him.

11. He has goals that are set out on a time frame, sometimes realistic, sometimes dreamy, but always tells her about them.

12. She lost her independence for a while. But she’s realised the importance of time together and time apart and it has made her a much better person.

13. She does not like to be called girlfriend. She is strange that way.

14. There are no weird endearments like babe, bub, pumpkin or baby. They always found it strange that these names could be transferred to babies just as easily. Names are all that are used. It always sounds so much sweeter when said by someone special. Except when they are in trouble.

15. She would have never dated anyone who used more hair products than herself. And she doesn’t really use hair products at all. He only uses shampoo.

16. She never loved opals or flower shaped pendants. But she feels completely insane for the beautiful necklace that he gave her for their first Christmas together.

17. She could, quite easily run away with him anywhere. But doesn’t feel the need to tell him that.

18. He completely gets it right when choosing jewellery for her. Even though she doesn’t even know her own tastes.

19. They both like things spicy. You know, like hot hot food.

20. Their relationship has had a lot of firsts. But none of the awkwards.

21. She likes how it became more than just a girl and boy being friends. All because she called him to say that movie plans with friends had cancelled. That conversation lasted four hours.

22. She likes how sneaky he was by putting his phone number in her mobile in the first place.

23. She has her hair long. Because he likes it that way, and it doesn’t really bother her either way. Funny thing is that her hair seems to be
easier to tame long than short.

24. Everything between them is always well planned, well thought out and agreed and disagreed by the both of them. They are just really big talkers. That has been the biggest surprise for her. In the good way.

25. She likes how he isn’t strangely eccentric. Hope he doesn’t mind that she’s slightly on the weird side.

26. It took him four years to admit it. It took her four and a half. It was well worth it.

27. He’s stubborn. She’s stubborn. Not a good match, but they are learning to compromise a little better each day.

28. She followed him to Scotland, willingly. She must be crazy for him. Or she just might be crazy.

29. She enjoys the childhood stories that he tells her. It makes her understand how he became the person that he has become today. It makes her surprisingly wonder about the future that they may have.

30. She like the deal that they have. He cooks and she cleans the dishes. Couldn’t be more perfect for her.

31. He finds family and traditions as important things in his life. She has realised how important these things really are. It’s nice to be reminded once in a while.

32. First kiss. If you ask him, he will say that he initiated it. If you ask her, she says she did. She’s learned to compromise that it was mutual. He still sticks to his story. Stubborn.

33. She always said that she hated receiving flowers that would die. He got her a crystal rose that would last much longer.

34. She believes that they are adventurous, spontaneous and comfortable together. He probably doesn’t have words as deep as that to describe them.

35. They like doing movies nights, with loads of junk food, movies all night and desserts to top it off. He tends to consume most of the junk food though.

36. She doesn’t think that he would run after her if things got tough. He says that he will. Deep down inside she probably believes him. But has yet to test the theory.

37. She likes how he tries. But then fails so miserably when it comes to romance. But then once in a while he gets it oh-so right.

38. She cannot believe that it took him almost seven years to ask her out on a proper date. She likes to remind him of this occasionally.

39. It’s amazing that it feels nowhere near almost eight years but feels closer to eight months.

40. For a boy with a bad reputation, he sure is more traditional that she ever thought he was. He sure was a surprise to her.

41. She likes how he’s so interested in showing her the stars. Especially in Scotland where the skies are always so much clearer. It’s one of those oh-so right moments.

42. The truth is that she wants to grow old with him because after this long, who else is going to be able to stand her the way that he does without going completely and mentally insane.

43. There was one night that he snuck out of his bedroom, in the middle of the night, through the window and walked to her house. Just to ring her and to wish her a happy first year anniversary, in the cold on the side of the street. All she could do was laugh at his silliness.

44. She thinks it’s sweet how nervous he was when he gave her her first necklace. He was shaking when he put it on before their Year 10 Formal.

45. She loved the secret meetings and mindless walks at the very beginning. It made her smile. She still enjoys the mindless walks even now. It never seems to get old.

46. Teddy bear hugs. No matter how angry or tired or sad she was. Always works.

47. She remembers that Autumn where the sun was shinier than usual and she lied down on his stomach in a green field. She remembers that her heart was beating so fast and she had to stop that silly grin on her face. Simply because she was amazed by the simple action of being so close to him.

48. He made himself annoying to her. Just an excuse. She liked to whinge about how annoying he was. Just another excuse. He will always be annoying to her.

49. She would never be as brave, as tough and as vulnerable all at once if he had not been around. Well, at least it wouldn’t of been as fun.

50. She is insane about him, no matter what, and forever.




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Challenge By: Blog This

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Just a Break.


Needs something to get out of this funk...
&& Just wants it to get a break from the constant need to battle.
Please...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Fav (Pt.3); Desserts


a few 
Favourite Things
(Part. 3) 

OMGosh!
I melt for ice cream, for hot chocolate fudge & for all those itty bitty sprinkles.
Whisper the word 'dessert' & I'm completely wrapped around your fingers.
So many random & long trips to places just so a taste of dessert were possible.

The adventures that happen on late night dessert runs.
The giggles when high on dessert sugar.
The crazy madmen & teenage boys.
After all, a night isn't a night until there is dessert at the end.
Even if it is at 3am.

& Sometimes it's desperation that drives us too...





 

Thursday, May 27, 2010

happysweetnewthings.


I've slacked off.
I know it deep down in my heart that I'm doing it on purpose.
It's going to bite me real hard in the bum & then its all going to all be about regret.
Why am I doing it?
The awful truth is that its because I can.

I want all the things that come after this huge massive bump in the road.
Because all those things make me happy, are sweet and means that I can get on with something new in my life.

But I have to get through this first.
So I need to look at it a new way.
Stop being afraid.
Dive in & hope for the best.
I don't want to relive this.

Its time to get this over and done with.
For once and for all.
Enough is enough.
It may feel too late but I still have a chance.

I'll make it work.
I want all those happysweetnew things to be real.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Blog This; Proud

Tell us about a proud moment in life - of you, of someone else, when you made someone proud.  
Maybe you want to focus on an aspect of your life or someone you know that exudes pride?



This is for you. 

To remind you that despite the hiccups, the time that felt like forever and the determined goals that didn't seem to happen. I am proud of you, for all the work that you put into wanting to be what you wanted to be without ever wavering. 

I know that the disappointment was big, that it was unexpected and that it felt like it was all for nothing. But now you know, now you can move on and now you can find something else that you will be just as determined with as you were before. I believe that you will be just as determined.

I could never have dealt with the same situation with as much bravery and as much patience. I envy that about you. I could not have seem it through with all the challenges that you had to face all the way through. You wanted to make a career of it so bad, and I always thought that it was enough. I so wished that it had been enough.

I am unfazed that you have find something to be determined about once again. But you did it, you surprised me, in your own little way. Now your goals have changed and I do not doubt that once your mind is set that you will see it through to the very possible end. I wish that it will be right just for you.

Despite the disappointment of those dreams, I am proud of you, for your unwavering qualities and that it is what makes you the way you are. It is something that I would never want to change. You are stable, solid minded and have direction. I am spontaneous, live by the day and have no interest to map out my future.You are the type of super hero that I want to be saved by everyday.

This is for you to know, always, I am proud to be with you.







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Challenge By: Blog This

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Just Hold On a Little Longer.


She misses her handsome...

Not because he is far away, not because he has run away but because she had to make some sacrifices for the short-term that made her turn away. She didn't want to do it because some times he is the only one that actually makes it seem alright in the end, and it just seems so unfair, for her and him. So she wishes that the next three weeks will pass quickly and will not cause anymore damage to her self-esteem.

She misses her sanity...

It went away with him when she says no to ever visit, a shake of head for every act of kindness and a decline to his sweet offerings. She use to be able to section it off, the stupid things that never make her happy and him, who makes her forget that those things are not important. But this time round she doesn't seem to know how to make it work again.

She misses her life...

If this is what her life is suppose to be, if this is what it is to taste the industry, it isn't really what she had in mind for the rest of her life. Yet, there is something there, hidden deep inside that does grab her attention, makes her smile sometimes, but why will it never show its face? She misses remembering to breathe fresh air, sleep in without guilt, and go on dessert dates without worrying about the hours she is using up. Life shouldn't be like that.

These are the sacrifices...
Only for a little bit longer...
Just hold on for me...

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Unresolved Attention.

There are so many things that seem to want her attention. The problem is that she only has so much attention to give. She's not as talented as she would like to be, she can't multi-task as well as she wants to be, and she's not all able to cope with everything that seems to demand attention. She's forgotten what it's like to love life, to like the little things and what taking time out means. If she's not doing something, she's always thinking about something. That's the most frustrating thing, she doesn't want to be thinking about it all the time.




She can't be on design every minute of the day. The fun has pretty much been sucked out of it after all these years and now the nights that turn into mornings are just part of the life of university.

She wants to start doing something that makes people speechless and in awe. She wants to create, not design. She wants to show people how much she appreciates things just by a simple home made gift.

She can't constantly give her opinions and feed dreams of things that don't even exisist in her word right now. It's not fair to keep pressuing, to keep pushing and to brainwash her into how wonderful it will be. After all this time, right now, she's not sure what she is suppose to believe because she only has enough energy to devote to reality.

As for being snappy, for being in an undelightful mood and being plain right out narky. It's not your fault, she knows that. But sometimes it's too much and all she wants is a shoulder to cry on and a nice big teddy bear hug. Sometimes, it makes it all go away for just a little while.

She misses her girls. All of them. She misses the late night chats, the long train rides that are never long enough and the just being a part of their lives for those few precious hours. She misses desserts and having a girly chat.

She needs to survive this month, she needs to find strength deep down and she just needs to remember to breathe sweet things. Forget the things that don't make her happy and just focus guilt-free for doing what she wants. Only if life let it be that simple.

---------
Something short and not so sweet.
I have missed blogging...

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Remind Me Why.

I need to be inspired & be creative...



But somehow, its confused & lost.
I don't know how to overcome it.

I just want to do it right.
Is that so difficult?
Why is it so hard?

I need to be reminded why it is important.
That ignoring it won't go away.
It only makes it worse.

I just want to survive it all with as little tears & fears as possible.


Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Writer's Workshop; Blogging Has Taught Her

List of 10 things blogging has taught you.

1. Flipping the Pages
Blogging replaced my many years of hand written journals.
Some times its nice to read through those many old books and the feeling it provokes when you flip the pages.
But I'm realising that that no matter what medium I use I still love to write.

2. New Relationships
I have used many different blogging sites in my many years of blogging.
But I think that I have found my home after leaving my last host of five years.
It felt like a relationship had ended.

3. Someone Will Always Relate
This is the way that I express myself.
I have also felt that I am not alone with my emotions.

4. Other's Thoughts
The excitement of seeing blog updates.
Seeing people's new thoughts of the day, of the week, of the month. 

5. Follow Me?
I blogged for myself for almost five years.
I had no need to search for followers.
But I recently acquired some unexpectedly since starting my new relationship with Blogger.
Its kind of nice to know that people enjoy what you write to want to follow.

6. New Challenges
Whilst I usually write what I feel and what is going on in my life at that moment in time.
I'm enjoying new memes, and challenges.
It makes me want to stretch my limits.

7. Inspirations
Every time I come across a blog something will inspire me.
It could range from something insignificant to something amazing.
There is always something worth blogging about.

8. An Escape
Using it to escape whatever mishaps that are happening.
And sometimes that's all I need.

9. Other Life Lessons
I have realised that there is so much to learn from so many people in this world.
Whilst there are important things in the physical world.
Emotional lessons are emphasised here.

10. For You
There are people in my life that are my ultimate muses.
This is the best way I know how to communicate.
Its always about someone.

Inspired By: Mama Kat

Monday, April 5, 2010

Oh So.


It starts with a nudge nudge, a tickle on the lips and a light touch in that, oh so, soft spot. There's a giggle of delight and a smile in the dark. The search for all the right places followed by the quest to find those that will cause a new growl of heightened emotion. It begins so timidly, as if each touch is new but there's a certainty that lies within each gesture. There's no boundaries here and definitely nothing that requires an explanation.

The nudging becomes an unconscious grab, the kisses are deep and fierce and the new-found spot becomes a point of control. Hands are tangled into hands trying to hold and trying to touch. Hair is twisted into all directions between those fingers of need. There are limbs entwined with sheets of passion and that, oh so, hot heat. Each emotion is relative through each action and each unmistakable reaction. There are no queries of what happens next and every move is meant to satisfy without caution.

This fire that begins so slowly and continues so fiercely has always driven the new heights of those, oh so, deep desires. It grabs and takes whatever it can into a place where the air is thinner, words are lost and everything becomes primitive. Yet when all those mysteries are revealed one at a time, there are always more and always leaves enticements for more. There are no old moves and there is nothing that requires foreknowledge.

It ends with a calm caress, a full kiss on, oh so, red lips and a sigh of a smile. There's a laugh of satisfaction and an exhausted embrace in the dark. Those heighten emotions are brought down and the roar has been tamed. There is always a surprise, whether it be calculated or spontaneous and whether it be insignificant or grand.  There's no love lost here but there is definitely more that is to be gained in every way.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Operation; Think Happy (Pt.7)


"I pledge to list 7 things that makes me happy, that makes me thankful, that makes me love life!"


1.  
Going out to new places and enjoying them with some new found friends.
 
2.  
Unexpectedly being told that I am missed.
 
3.  
Watching Handsome prepare dinner. 
It's nice that I don't have to do it.
 
4.
 
Easter. Creme Eggs. Bunny Ears.

5.
Being more domestic.
 
6. 
How well managed my hair can be if I put a little effort to it once in a while.
 
7.  
The chance to dress up, heels, lipstick, for a birthday surprise.
 




Sunday, March 28, 2010

Amazed by You.


Closed off dreams...

It was all so positive and the forever questions of if it will happen seemed almost so close to be true. But was it all false hope? Had they both been so blind sighted by this experience which has spanned longer than their relationship? Had they both been so naive to think that finally the persistent need to accomplish this dream would finally be worth it all? What happened between the positive words of encouragement, the knots in their stomachs, to the end where the answer was not the one that you wanted to hear?

Invested core emotions...

She can feel herself being tangled up into the emotional states of your aspirations. She can not only hear and see your reactions, she also feels them deep in her heart. So when you were at a point where you could go no further, she could sense herself so much more invested than what she had anticipated. She not only wanted to know, she wanted so badly to see you get what you have fought for in all these years.

Opening the chances...

When the answers are all given and all the options were weighed and then destroyed in one single step, she panicked. She can feel herself being scared and worried about what was to come. Yet she knows that it really
isn't about her at all and that her emotions mean nothing compared to the ones that you are facing. She is proud of you and she realises now that she has never really said that before, so she wants you to know right now and not ever doubt it. She could never have done all the things that you have for all those everlasting dreams. So when you did not show despair or worry and just moved onto the next plan, she could not have been more amazed by you.

Here we are waiting to start again, and this time round it has to right...


Saturday, March 27, 2010

Blog This; The Things Learned from Friendship.

Tell your readers a tale.  About something you learned. 



I learned that friendships are fragile, robust and encompassing. They pick you up when things are not right and then can easily be the cause of all your distractions. It's taken me a long time to understand friendship and to fully appreciate it for what it is. I still have a lot to understand.

I learned that through friendship it is possible to be strong, imaginative and grow. They are the source of your imagination and your 'go to person' when there is something that cannot be done. They are the inspiration to do better and to think better. And doesn't it always feel like a weight has been taken off your shoulders when it has been spoken about rather than kept in?

I learned that having friendships means that you become generous, happier and thankful. While being in a relationship gives you most of the same things a friendship does, some times having someone else to talk to, to listen to and to complain to gives a whole new perspective on things.

I learned not to take friendship for granted because some times its all you need to feel kindness.


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Challenge By: Blog This

Friday, March 26, 2010

Operation; Think Happy (Pt.6)





"I pledge to list 7 things that makes me happy, that makes me thankful, that makes me love life!"


1.  
Smexy late night dessert dates with Miss M.
 
2.  
The ideas and dreams to own a creative stall. Start small, dream big?
 
3.  
Feeling like there is a nice balance between university demands and work hours. Though could do with a little more social time. Can't have everything right?
 
4.
 
Photos of smiling, of face pulling, with all the important people. 

5.
A new USB. I'm nerdy, but I'm grateful for one that my computer actually recognises instead of rejecting. 
 
6. 
 Making new friends that seem actually quite genuine. I don't aspire for new friendships readily, but I'm starting to change my mind.
 
7.  
A random alarm that is set on my mobile phone that goes off at the same time every night, that is simply labeled, "Mwah". Very annoying and very effective as an inappropriate time. Yet I still haven't gotten rid of it...
 




Monday, March 22, 2010

Fav (Pt.2); ♥ Miss M


a few 
Favourite Things
(Part. 2)


Miss M
She is my absolute, one and only, favourite, random, late night, smexy dessert date.

I chose this picture because I think that it pretty much sums up everything.
Sometimes we laugh at ourselves.
Sometimes it is the source of heart to heart.
Sometimes its place for insane thoughts and plans.
Sometimes it is where judgment does not exist, just kindness.



 

The Emotion of Absence.


I dream about you when I don't really want to be reminded of you. 

My subconsciousness is against me no matter how much I may try and fight it. 
I'm not sure what its trying to tell me because I'm trying hard to ignore that nagging need and that unfulfilled emotion of absence
My own mind has struck a treaty with you and made an enemy of I.

Stop haunting me in my dreams no matter whether it means well or just as another way of annoying me. 

Even though the annoying reminds me that you are near. 

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

There Are Just Times.


There are times where a little space breathes just fine...

The situation may not be the same, the outcome, hopefully, will not be and the uncertainty isn't as mysterious as it was the first time round. But she never stops praising herself for being determined, more strong willed and deeply deeply passionate about him no matter the distance. She likes this time and wouldn't mind it if it happened once in while. It reminds her that she is still very much her own person, that she is independent and also her friends that are important are truly her friends and not because they belong from a plus one. Behind it all, she is grateful and this time round she is not fooled by people and the whole situation.

There are times where a little depending can be vice versa...

This time round it feels like there are more positives, more good things and that some of the long awaited dreams will for once be granted. Oh, how she wish it would so desperately. It's amazing how caught up she is in this whole process, one where it would still survive and thrive without her. She likes being the small escape route, the tiny fresh breath, or that slight distraction from everything else. She can be that for him and comes strangely like second nature. Its nice that once in a while she can do the supporting and the distractions. That's what she loves.

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Formidable Dreams & Sweet Realities.

 

Hold her hand....

You take her hand, and she willingly accepts this without question. You hold her hand tight and take her to a place that she isn't quite all there yet in the physical form. Don't get her wrong, she loves hearing about those dreams, especially the ones that are so so close. Don't hold a grudge against her, she's a lot more forward in her thinking than she was only a few weeks ago. Its all still so surreal and some times when she sits down with you in the same room, she can almost touch those formidable dreams.

Tell her dreams...

You tell her that this will happen and she smiles and nods without a second thought. You make her dream in a totally different state of mind where she can't seem blend into reality. It doesn't mean that you should stop dreaming, she loves the way that your mind works. It doesn't mean that she can't see the togetherness that you describe, she just needs to understand in it her own little mind. Its an enchanting thought and some times when she closes her eyes right next you, she can breathe in those sweet realities.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Operation; Think Happy (Pt.5)





"I pledge to list 7 things that makes me happy, that makes me thankful, that makes me love life!"


1. Drinking West Coast Coolers, because I'm all about class.
2. Watching romantic movies like, You've Got Mail. And then crying at the happily ever after.
3. Feeling accomplished because I actually did something related to my thesis. Also hoping that this means that I am on a good start to the semester. (But also doubts this slightly).
4.
Wearing my glitter heels and making me feel all girly.

5. Scary/Exciting/Nerve racking surprise future plans.
6. An accomplished night after a busy busy night at work.
7. Lunch dates with old friends, and why they will always be my very best of friends.






Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Fav (Pt.1); Glitter Heels


a few 
Favourite Things
(Part. 1)

These are my absolute favourite shoes.
I'm attracted to anything that has glitter, and this definitly has the bling.

They were the last pair, and the right size.
Also they were on sale.
So it was just meant to be.

I love how they sparkle.
I love the fact they go with any outfit.
I love the way they feel when I put them on.



 


A Few Favourite Things (The Beginning).



a few 
Favourite Things


There are a lot of little things in my life that I adorelovecherish.
So this is for those lovely items, memorable places & awesome adventures.

I'll share some items from a few of my favourite things. 



Saturday, February 20, 2010

all the words without a thought.


 


I like the way that we are just now. This moment in time. In the seven years since you first kissed me, this is the place that I like us to be. I know that not everything is perfect, not everything is great, but emotionally, this is where I want us to stay. I know that things will change, I know that situations will not be the same but if everything changes around us and we stay like this emotionally, then I believe, whole heartily that we could live like this forever. And really that's what I aim for.

I know that no one really cares or even really wants to know. But this is for me, and I've been good at doing things for me for a while now, so I'm not going to stop. I'm enjoying all the things that I am doing for myself and not for anyone else, and you know what? The stress is gone, the worry is gone, I like all this freedom that it has given me. I feel like that no matter what happens, I can look after myself, first and foremost. After seven years in a relationship, this is the way that I want to do things.

I've stopped fighting over the little things because the bigger picture is more important. I've stopped caring about the time apart because its time that I can do the things that I enjoy without the worry of making sure everyone enjoys it too. I've stopped worrying about all the stupid things that are said and done because after all they are just plain stupid and mean very little. But the time that we find for each other is much more precious, much more wonderful, and much much sweeter. That's the way that I want to live, like every moment is the cherry on top.


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I felt like writing like this today...
Nothing thought out, just typed out...
Needed to clear my pretty little head.



Friday, February 19, 2010

in all its strange-ness.



I want to write something.
But I don't know what.

There's a strange feeling brewing.
I'm not sure what it is.

Operation; Think Happy (Pt.4)




"I pledge to list 7 things that makes me happy, that makes me thankful, that makes me love life!"


1. Being bitten hard by her creative bug, allowing her to try new and exciting things.
2. Watching movies in the dark.
3. Deciding on what she is spending her gift vouchers on.
4.
Sandwich Valentine.

5. Progress to dreams that aren't even hers.
6. Birthdays to come... Because I have lovely surprises.
7. Red lipstick. Just cause.








Saturday, February 13, 2010

will you be my ♥.


Will You Be My Valentine?


I Valentine's Day.
For the love hearts, the red, the glitter, the roses and the people that I

Hope everyone celebrates with something nice.

I will be celebrating with some lovely girlies at work.



ALSO



Happy Chinese New Year!

Year of the Tiger.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Operation; Think Happy (Pt.3)




"I pledge to list 7 things that makes me happy, that makes me thankful, that makes me love life!"


1. The random things that he does that makes her smile.
2. How she clicks with her friends in all different ways.
3. Running in the (heavy) rain with handsome after a classy night out.
4.
Cleaning, because the room REALLY needed it. 

5. Feeling the itch to be creative again.
6. One week closer to graduating (because she has to keep a positive view on it).
7. Realises that she loves dresses, simply for their prettiness. 




Inspired by: Good Golly Miss Holly


about you.


Expressing...

It seems that trying to find the words to describe what she wants to say is becoming more difficult than she thought. In her heart she knows what she wants but somehow none of the words seem to do justice. She's tried to write this so many times, its been almost a week in the making, yet no matter what she wants to write it never comes out right. She wants to say so much, describe this feeling and to remember it, but there isn't anything that fits what she wants to express about you.

Moments...

Lately you have been so amazing to her. It's not a new feeling, but its been much grander, more appreciated and much much more lovely. She's not sure how its happened or why its been such a sudden thing but she definitely does not want to spoil it in anyway. She would not trade anything for these moments, nor would she like to see them disappear. She wants them to last forever because that's the way she thinks about you.

Evolving...

She thinks that maybe she has changed a little and that you have too. She would like to believe that she is less dependent and doesn't need as much as your constant time like she did in the past. But when she is with you, the moment is savoured and it is so much sweeter. She would like to believe that she is more forgiving and less angry. After all these years she knows who you are and she would not want you any other way. She knows that all these things are true because she is insane about you.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

plain awesome...

 

And sometimes you can just be plain awesome...



Thursday, February 4, 2010

Operation; Think Happy (Pt. 2)




"I pledge to list 7 things that makes me happy, that makes me thankful, that makes me love life!"


1. Deliberately driving into the puddles on her way home from work just to hear the sound the puddles make.
2. Smiling at the fact that handsome twittered for her.
3. Glad that an old friend is home again and definitely looking forward to having dinner with her.
4.
Excited about seeing the Edinburgh Military Tattoo after spontaneously purchasing tickets. 

5. Nervous about her bike ride (as passenger) on Sunday. 
6. Starting to look forward to Valentine's Day after thinking that it was unlike her to not be excited for it.
7. Looking forward to any reason to get all pretty, because she hasn't had an opportunity for a long time.




Inspired by: Holly Homemaker

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

holding onto useless air.


In this little world that you have created for yourself...

You may think that when everything is in its little order that everything is perfect in your eyes. In this bubble you are in you believe that it is alright to act the way that you do. The honest truth is that its not. No one sees your world the way you do and no one cares how perfect your world may be because they don't have to live in it and fit into your criteria on how people should behave according to you. So don't be surprised when no one wants to visit you let alone live in it with you.

When it gets hard to breath because all you do is fight...

Its difficult to continuously just walk around wondering what kind of mood you are in and what kind of attitude you may project, not just on a daily basis, but on a constant basis. Doesn't it get tiring always trying to fit everything into your little world and then arguing over nothing when it doesn't fit? She's over trying to let it go every time your mood changes for some unknown reason. She's not going to just step aside to let you just walk all over people because you think that's the way it should be. If you want to fight, then be ready to fight because she's not just going to stand around anymore and let you get away with it.

Some day it will catch up to you and then you may finally understand...

I'm not worried about myself or about what you may think of me. I know what people are like and to be telling the truth I don't like people like you. You are stupid to think that I will just let you get away with it. That stupid childish actions will win the wars. The truth is that if you continue the way that you are, it's not me that you will be fighting with the the whole world. But by then its probably just too late. Think what you like, do what you think is right and be rude, stubbborn and unpleasent. In the end I won't lose out because its not me that has become that. It is yourself.
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