Tuesday, May 27, 2008

threatening shadows.

Laying awake staring into the dark...

There are a million and one things that keep repeating themselves in her head. They all disappoint her, sadden her and just completely and utterly make her usual optimistic views down right dark and pessimistic. She can't seem to shake it away, can't seem to brush it away, can't seem to talk it away because there is nothing that seems to make it all just go away. She hasn't got much hope left that it will just vanish from her thoughts because for once reality wins over her fantasies and hopes. She needs to feel better and she doesn't even know where to begin anymore, or whether or not it matters.

The murky line of non-existence...

In all the things that she has said before it seems that nothing really changes, nothing really heals and everything just seems to stay the same miserable way. Not once has she felt she has been given the credit for being brave, for being strong or for just even keeping her damn big mouth shout. No recognition, no idea, and absolutely no clue that she has tried so hard and been on her very best behavior. Whilst she's not digging for compliments, or looking for that big reward she is waiting for you to figure out that she is trying desperately to be patient and that it has now lost its way. She's only got so much to give and she have given it all away without anything in return.

All the shadows that will follow her around...

She keeps saying over and over again of all the things that she would like from you. They are not hard, they are not demanding but for some reason you seem to never get it. And even when you do its only for a short amount of time and then once again she is right here. It can't keep being this hard because in the immediate future it will never work like this, it will never survive the way you seems to think it will. Right now, she knows where she stands with you, no where to be seen. The list of priorities that are so important to you seem to include her but disregarded time and time again. The one thing that makes her so sad above all else is that you have not once expressed that you regret or care that you will leave me behind.
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