Tuesday, July 31, 2007

more than just everything.

Wanting to be everything and so much more...

Is it hard to believe that all she wants is to be your everything. Your heart, your soul, your one and only. She wants to cater for all the things that you want, that you need, that you only believed were true in you dreams. She's delusional to think that. To believe she could be that, to think that she could ever come even the slightest bit closer to being everything. She's also realised that she has the toughest job of all, pleasing everything that you have ever wanted. She thought she had it all under control.

Protecting what was left and what has gone...

The silly little ideas that weren't meant to be anything seem to be the one thing that she knew would be something. Ignoring it didn't seem to work but then again confronting it did not really help the situation either. She's disappointed in herself and she's far beyond angry. She is threatened, and for some reason, deep down, she doesn't know whether she has the fight left inside of her. She's scared to find out just how little fight she has left. If she is not enough in every aspect to fulfill it all, is it worth all this angst.

Trying to understand all the reasons in between...

Every ounce of what was left of positive attitude seems not to make a difference and it should. She wants to be reassured, she wants to be told that she is almost everything, that she is worth everything at the least. She needs to be constantly told because every time she finally thinks of the future, the possible future that seems so close, reality has a way of telling her that she's falling into her own trap. Will all the regrets end up being the cause of failure or will it be her own undoing for believing too whole heartedly. The sad truth is she can never entirely seem to let herself go.
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