Tuesday, July 1, 2008

worth every lie.

There is only so many times it can be repeated before it gets old...
Once again it happens. This time round she tried to stop being annoying and never once said a word. It made her feel more miserable than she was and made her hate you and everything about you. It was never suppose to work out that way. It was all suppose to be for the better and to make it all alright in the end. Instead it did the opposite and the stupid thing was that you hardly noticed at all. Yet is it surprising considering you don't seem to notice that she's miserable and sad lately. So was it worthwhile at all to mention it, so that it wouldn't all tear itself apart? She hasn't got much faith in it because it never really has worked out in the long-run. She can feel herself get more and more exhausted from trying and more and more disappointed when it is thrown right back into her face. It's not worth your anger because you always know the best way to hurt her.

The solutions that always sound long-term but never really will be......
Whatever happened to not getting enough of her laughter, her stupid talks, her crazy antics and just her in general. If she lets it all slip away a fraction at a time she doesn't even see you try to reclaim it. It's like you never bother to look and see what is happening and she is the one doing all the saving. But no credit ever goes her way, no extra loving goes her way and nothing emotionally valuable of any sense seems to come from you at all. You seem blinded by everything that she has done when it is all done especially for you. She will not be taken for granted, yet you wouldn't notice that either would you? So don't be so offended when she finally decides that you probably won't really make it better for real this time because she's believed it too many times before. It's not about blame no matter how much you think its all about you. Its about yourself and herself, together, trying to get rid of all the things that threaten to make it end unhappily.

Saying one thing while doing the exact utter opposite......
She's not a hard-to-please person, she's not a nosy individual and she is definitely not someone who questions every motive. So she believed what you said even though all her senses told her otherwise. She doesn't know what to do with what she has. Whilst its small she feels betrayed, that you could say one thing so easily and then lie and leave details out for your own selfish convenience. It's exactly the thing that is the problem and you did it all right to her face without flinching. Did you feel remorse, did you care, did you truly think that she would be ignorant enough? Every benefit of the doubt she gave you seems to just have been spat right back into her face. So does she show you so that you can pull some sort of excuse to make it all better, or let you find a way to hurt her by saying horrible things in the heat of the moment.  She just feels angry beyond comprehension, betrayed by the one person that should never betray her and so upset that no words, no matter how much she writes, can describe it. Forgive her for not really believing all that you say in the future. She hopes that it was all worth it, every last lie.
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