Wednesday, June 27, 2007

growing up in my eyes.

For all the reasons I cannot explain it will never be the way you want it to be...

Years of build up anger, frustrations, and regret after regret will not be erased by simply having a heartfelt conversation with you. You will never understand all the things that I have had to go through or had to endure to be here where I am today. I will not change who I am for you because you have finally realised that its time to speak out, time to be there for me, time to be a loving guidance in my life. The time for that was years ago. You stuffed up and I turned out okay, so I don't need you in the way you think I do. I don't care for your help because I have not needed it for years.

Its too late despite the fact that I will never grow up in your eyes....

I have done things that I do not and will not regret in my life. I did all those things for me, for what I believe in and for what I wanted in my life. I would not change it even though it would have made my life so much easier. It has made my life the way it is and made the me the way I am. It doesn't make me perfect and I know I am flawed but it is me and I found my strength to make what I am today. You do not get to take the credit for that.

There will always be that rift because you never understood me the way you should have...

I will continue to lie, to cheat and to deceive. I have no guilt towards you anymore because I flushed that out of my system long ago. You flushed it out of my system long ago. I will not stand by and be punished or have my self esteem squashed so far down that I do not even understand my existence. You never had the right to do that to me and yet you did. I have become a stronger person and I am not afraid of the things I use to be. You do not scare me. You do not run my life. You never did. There will be no change from me. There never will be.

It takes more than a talk.
It takes more than promises and apologies.
It's too late for me.
You will just have to deal with it.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

above all expectations.

Its like wondering what lies under the wrapping paper and pretty big bow...

There are times when I wonder what you think about me. Whether its all truth or made up lies. If its all the positives and none of negative. Or the possible regrets and the rightful choices. I just want to know what you think about me. All the good and all the bad. I want be told of the things that you see about me, that you want about me, that you dislike about me. But the most important thing is that I want to know why you like me in the way that you do, with all your heart on the line almost constantly for me.

Through all the balloons and streamers that fill the room...

The truth about you is that you are more than I had ever expected. The things that you say, the things that you do and all the things in between seem like actions from someone that is unlike you. But yet, the strange thing is I don't think you could be any other way. I wouldn't want you any other way either. Its the way you look for my hand, or how you stick your tongue at me, that would not be the same from anyone but you.

Surprises that make the heart jump with joy...

It catches my breath the way that you view me. The way that I can't seem to view myself. Its the thing beyond that that really makes my heart fall for you. You mean it in everyway, the way you say it, the way you respond to it and in the way you don't fault in anyway. You mean it more than I had ever expected it to. I'm glad I intrigue the way you do the same for me. Don't ever stop surprising me, don't ever say the things you don't mean but always always be mine.

Monday, June 11, 2007

somewhere somehow.

In the realities that escape from her...

Hold me down.. knock me down... drown the thoughts... and destroy all those frowns.

Run away with me... somewhere with sand... somewhere with bottomless alcohol... somewhere I can just run away without a bother.


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