Unresolved Attention.

There are so many things that seem to want her attention. The problem is that she only has so much attention to give. She's not as talented as she would like to be, she can't multi-task as well as she wants to be, and she's not all able to cope with everything that seems to demand attention. She's forgotten what it's like to love life, to like the little things and what taking time out means. If she's not doing something, she's always thinking about something. That's the most frustrating thing, she doesn't want to be thinking about it all the time.

She can't be on design every minute of the day. The fun has pretty much been sucked out of it after all these years and now the nights that turn into mornings are just part of the life of university.

She wants to start doing something that makes people speechless and in awe. She wants to create, not design. She wants to show people how much she appreciates things just by a simple home made gift.

She can't constantly give her opinions and feed dreams of things that don't even exisist in her word right now. It's not fair to keep pressuing, to keep pushing and to brainwash her into how wonderful it will be. After all this time, right now, she's not sure what she is suppose to believe because she only has enough energy to devote to reality.

As for being snappy, for being in an undelightful mood and being plain right out narky. It's not your fault, she knows that. But sometimes it's too much and all she wants is a shoulder to cry on and a nice big teddy bear hug. Sometimes, it makes it all go away for just a little while.

She misses her girls. All of them. She misses the late night chats, the long train rides that are never long enough and the just being a part of their lives for those few precious hours. She misses desserts and having a girly chat.

She needs to survive this month, she needs to find strength deep down and she just needs to remember to breathe sweet things. Forget the things that don't make her happy and just focus guilt-free for doing what she wants. Only if life let it be that simple.

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Something short and not so sweet.

I have missed blogging...