sigh...

If she hasn't found a way...

She doesn't understand what she keeps doing wrong. She doesn't know how to fix it. She's tried so many times, so many different ways, so many more that she has now completely lost for anymore ideas. It seems that no matter what approach she tries they never work out the way it suppose to. She's frustrated in always regretting what she says because in the end it's not only not fixed, its worse. Every time she feels like its all her fault in bringing it up. Yet when she decides that maybe she should just keep it to herself, she gets blamed for being untrustworthy and holding things back. She just doesn't know what to do anymore.

She's done with repeating herself...

She tried to make it easy for everyone to understand. Obviously it didn't go the way she had hoped. It ends up being about angry words, old things that she never wanted to bring back and being spoken to in a tone of voice that she finds degrading. She tries to keep her cool, try not to let her anger be the center of attention because it really isn't suppose to be there anyway. She gets pushed, she gets put into a situation that only she knows how to deal with, she fights back. It's in her nature and in her heart she knows that it is dead wrong. Yet in the end no matter how hard she fights back, how pressured she feels to constantly try and defend herself, she loses. She loses the simplest thing, just an ear to listen without any judgment, without any anger, with love. So is it that unwise that she wonders to herself why she bothered in the first place... again.

Sigh...