consuming time together.

Some of the time we are blind enough to fool ourselves...

There were times where she thought she had it all under control. She knew what she was saying, what she was doing and why she wanted it the way that she wanted things to be. Every mention was made for all the wrong reasons, and all the unsatisfying reasons were without any common sense. Every time you let it happen, you let it consume you, you let it control you. While some of her concerns were within reason, some were just that she wanted more, always wanting more from you. She wants what she has always felt and believed were true to her, your passion for her and hers for you.

In time we only begin to understand ourselves and each other...

There's no apologies that can make up for all the stupid mistakes she has made among the ones that did make sense. She wished that she had realised it all, that she has seen it and grasp the situation faster than she has now. It seems that it's all about mending what's been wrong instead of understanding and working on what could of been wrong. The irony of it all is that she thought she was doing just that, making things better. So maybe somewhere, you can see that she thought she was trying to find that passion you bestowed on her before and that she only wants it to live forever.

Most of the time we will be alright and that's what we need...

She learned a hard lesson. Possibly because she fooled herself into thinking that life will eventually work out alright. That together things will be okay and that you still want to be just as crazy as you ever were for her. It's not your fault, she just wanted to be forever loved by you. She wanted you to show her. She realises now that she was the one making it difficult, the one that couldn't accept, the one that had nothing but resistance. That was her being selfish. Yet despite this, she knew it, and she wanted for once to be the one that was the selfish one. You did everything you could, she can see that now.

In all of time that's left we will make it through...

She's going to do all that you have done for her as long as you keep trying for her as well. She will forget that it's all about her and have faith in you and your dreams. She will believe in hope once more and maybe it will be enough to get her through it. The truth is that it's scary, after five years, she needs you more than ever and it seems that she needs to be stronger for you, for you both. She wants more than your promises, it feels like its not enough. She needs more as you need more from her. She wants to be sure that you understand what you are doing and that she will always try to be the best she can for you, from now on. She hopes you believe her.

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I need more than your promises to completely let go...

At least I understand better than I did a week ago...

I hope it's not too late...

so it is.

Remembering to breathe for something better...

There's nothing that anyone can do. There's nothing that she can do within her power, no matter how hard she has tried. It seems that she is left to deal with a mess that isn't even suppose to be hers in the first place. She feels so drained and tormented by it that she's ready to drop from exhaustion because there seems to be no happy ending for her. She's foolish to think that there was ever going to be one.

Forgetting all the words that should of meant something...

All the moments that mean everything seem non-existent now. They just become this increasingly faded memory. She has all the reasons, it makes her more angry that she understands all of them too. She fights for them onto herself and she left with no one to fight for her reasons. She wants someone to fight for her reason, to give her a reason that feeling this way is acceptable. But maybe that's asking too much.

Tormenting the emotions that should be something...

Trying to forget is so hard, trying to make things better is not working and being the best that she can does not make it all go away. She wants someone here and now for her. She wants to be selfish for once, and yet she knows this is not the time for it. She wants him to understand that making him happy, is going to cost her, with no guilt attached. She just wants him to understand where she is because no one else knows.

Punishing something that does not deserve it...

Once again passion, desire and most unfaithfully love has deserted all it's loyalties to her. This time she doesn't know where to find it again because the one place that forever had those qualities doesn't seem to want to understand her in the way its suppose to be. There's no where to go.

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You have no idea...
How much I needed you in this moment...
And you weren't there...
To understand any of it...