for the rest of my life.

Your selflessness for me...

I can't believe all the things, the lengths that you would go for just for me. While I've always known, always believed it I never wanted to fall into it because I didn't want to fool myself blind. Yet right now, right at this moment, I cannot find anything that would question it at all. I couldn't find anyone better to care about me, to look after me (for the rest of my life...). I wonder some times how I could ever repay you in the same way, whether you feel the same way about me, whether I can be just as selfless about you as you have for me. I hope I can and will... for you (for the rest of my life...).

Your power over me...

The way you kept me in control of the situation, made sure that every time that I was about to fall apart you stood there, two feet firmly on the ground, a voice of command, and pulled me back into a possible reality, the real reality, the one that seemed clouded by my misjudgements. I felt so much safer with you there, by my side, stopping me from crying my heart out when I felt the world was completely against me. You never once critical of me, you just pulled me up and kept positive on everything that I could. I will never doubt anything that you say cannot be done.

Your pillar of strength with me...

I don't know how to ever repay you really, (I guess I may have the rest of my life for that). But I want you to seriously know, how grateful that I am that I have you, that I would never doubt things so harshly that I have in the past. How willing you are to make me so happy, how you keep me from falling apart, how you and only you made me see the positive amongst the negative, all these things keep me alive. And after all of this I wonder why I'm so afraid for completely and utterly falling in love with you, even when you do all this for me.

I wish that I wasn't so afraid to love you for everything that your worth.
When I do it will be for the rest of my life...

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This is an important entry for me...
It's first time I've actually formally used 'love' and 'him' in the same sentence... let alone a public one.
(I know its been three and half years but I didn't want to fool myself into a trap so placed by everyone else.)
It's also the first time that I've allowed myself to think of a future that may become reality with him...
It still scares me... but a little less now...