Unresolved Attention.

There are so many things that seem to want her attention. The problem is that she only has so much attention to give. She's not as talented as she would like to be, she can't multi-task as well as she wants to be, and she's not all able to cope with everything that seems to demand attention. She's forgotten what it's like to love life, to like the little things and what taking time out means. If she's not doing something, she's always thinking about something. That's the most frustrating thing, she doesn't want to be thinking about it all the time.

She can't be on design every minute of the day. The fun has pretty much been sucked out of it after all these years and now the nights that turn into mornings are just part of the life of university.

She wants to start doing something that makes people speechless and in awe. She wants to create, not design. She wants to show people how much she appreciates things just by a simple home made gift.

She can't constantly give her opinions and feed dreams of things that don't even exisist in her word right now. It's not fair to keep pressuing, to keep pushing and to brainwash her into how wonderful it will be. After all this time, right now, she's not sure what she is suppose to believe because she only has enough energy to devote to reality.

As for being snappy, for being in an undelightful mood and being plain right out narky. It's not your fault, she knows that. But sometimes it's too much and all she wants is a shoulder to cry on and a nice big teddy bear hug. Sometimes, it makes it all go away for just a little while.

She misses her girls. All of them. She misses the late night chats, the long train rides that are never long enough and the just being a part of their lives for those few precious hours. She misses desserts and having a girly chat.

She needs to survive this month, she needs to find strength deep down and she just needs to remember to breathe sweet things. Forget the things that don't make her happy and just focus guilt-free for doing what she wants. Only if life let it be that simple.

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Something short and not so sweet.

I have missed blogging...

Formidable Dreams & Sweet Realities.

 

Hold her hand....

You take her hand, and she willingly accepts this without question. You hold her hand tight and take her to a place that she isn't quite all there yet in the physical form. Don't get her wrong, she loves hearing about those dreams, especially the ones that are so so close. Don't hold a grudge against her, she's a lot more forward in her thinking than she was only a few weeks ago. Its all still so surreal and some times when she sits down with you in the same room, she can almost touch those formidable dreams.

Tell her dreams...

You tell her that this will happen and she smiles and nods without a second thought. You make her dream in a totally different state of mind where she can't seem blend into reality. It doesn't mean that you should stop dreaming, she loves the way that your mind works. It doesn't mean that she can't see the togetherness that you describe, she just needs to understand in it her own little mind. Its an enchanting thought and some times when she closes her eyes right next you, she can breathe in those sweet realities.

all the words without a thought.

 

I like the way that we are just now. This moment in time. In the seven years since you first kissed me, this is the place that I like us to be. I know that not everything is perfect, not everything is great, but emotionally, this is where I want us to stay. I know that things will change, I know that situations will not be the same but if everything changes around us and we stay like this emotionally, then I believe, whole heartily that we could live like this forever. And really that's what I aim for.

I know that no one really cares or even really wants to know. But this is for me, and I've been good at doing things for me for a while now, so I'm not going to stop. I'm enjoying all the things that I am doing for myself and not for anyone else, and you know what? The stress is gone, the worry is gone, I like all this freedom that it has given me. I feel like that no matter what happens, I can look after myself, first and foremost. After seven years in a relationship, this is the way that I want to do things.

I've stopped fighting over the little things because the bigger picture is more important. I've stopped caring about the time apart because its time that I can do the things that I enjoy without the worry of making sure everyone enjoys it too. I've stopped worrying about all the stupid things that are said and done because after all they are just plain stupid and mean very little. But the time that we find for each other is much more precious, much more wonderful, and much much sweeter. That's the way that I want to live, like every moment is the cherry on top.

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I felt like writing like this today...

Nothing thought out, just typed out...

Needed to clear my pretty little head.

plain awesome...

 

And sometimes you can just be plain awesome...

somewhere somehow.

In the realities that escape from her...

Hold me down.. knock me down... drown the thoughts... and destroy all those frowns.

Run away with me... somewhere with sand... somewhere with bottomless alcohol... somewhere I can just run away without a bother.

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