all the words without a thought.

 

I like the way that we are just now. This moment in time. In the seven years since you first kissed me, this is the place that I like us to be. I know that not everything is perfect, not everything is great, but emotionally, this is where I want us to stay. I know that things will change, I know that situations will not be the same but if everything changes around us and we stay like this emotionally, then I believe, whole heartily that we could live like this forever. And really that's what I aim for.

I know that no one really cares or even really wants to know. But this is for me, and I've been good at doing things for me for a while now, so I'm not going to stop. I'm enjoying all the things that I am doing for myself and not for anyone else, and you know what? The stress is gone, the worry is gone, I like all this freedom that it has given me. I feel like that no matter what happens, I can look after myself, first and foremost. After seven years in a relationship, this is the way that I want to do things.

I've stopped fighting over the little things because the bigger picture is more important. I've stopped caring about the time apart because its time that I can do the things that I enjoy without the worry of making sure everyone enjoys it too. I've stopped worrying about all the stupid things that are said and done because after all they are just plain stupid and mean very little. But the time that we find for each other is much more precious, much more wonderful, and much much sweeter. That's the way that I want to live, like every moment is the cherry on top.

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I felt like writing like this today...

Nothing thought out, just typed out...

Needed to clear my pretty little head.

so it is.

Remembering to breathe for something better...

There's nothing that anyone can do. There's nothing that she can do within her power, no matter how hard she has tried. It seems that she is left to deal with a mess that isn't even suppose to be hers in the first place. She feels so drained and tormented by it that she's ready to drop from exhaustion because there seems to be no happy ending for her. She's foolish to think that there was ever going to be one.

Forgetting all the words that should of meant something...

All the moments that mean everything seem non-existent now. They just become this increasingly faded memory. She has all the reasons, it makes her more angry that she understands all of them too. She fights for them onto herself and she left with no one to fight for her reasons. She wants someone to fight for her reason, to give her a reason that feeling this way is acceptable. But maybe that's asking too much.

Tormenting the emotions that should be something...

Trying to forget is so hard, trying to make things better is not working and being the best that she can does not make it all go away. She wants someone here and now for her. She wants to be selfish for once, and yet she knows this is not the time for it. She wants him to understand that making him happy, is going to cost her, with no guilt attached. She just wants him to understand where she is because no one else knows.

Punishing something that does not deserve it...

Once again passion, desire and most unfaithfully love has deserted all it's loyalties to her. This time she doesn't know where to find it again because the one place that forever had those qualities doesn't seem to want to understand her in the way its suppose to be. There's no where to go.

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You have no idea...
How much I needed you in this moment...
And you weren't there...
To understand any of it...

never stop being just you.

Surprise me with all the desire in your blue eyes...

Deep in darkness when the lights fade away, you will never know the smile of happiness that smears across my face. I wonder if you feel it when you place your tender lips against mine. It doesn't really matter if you can hear, see or feel all that you have done to me. It's my little tiny secret that I keep away from you. I don't want you to know what kind of effect you have on me, away from you or simply being near you. Its for me to smile about in my own little way.

Throw passion into the caution of your beautiful heart...

Some times being with you seems in its self an impossible feat. There you are, your hands on my hips, your kiss on my lips, and the sins you invoke into me life. If it weren't for you I would of never known, this life you so passionately want to bestow upon me. I don't want to leave it all, not now, not ever, all because of you. So every time that you pull me towards you I know that I am being pulled into a life that I wouldn't want with anybody else, in any other way. Just with you.

Catching the skips of breath in each of your kisses...

This dizziness you seem to create, can you make it last forever in the way you have made it your own all these years. Continue to hug me with all your might and all the things that you mean you say and I may just never want to ever let you out of my sight. You make my vision a complete blur. You make me smile without knowing. You make me laugh until I am weak. Then you pick me up and kiss me once more. Never stop.