There Are Just Times.

There are times where a little space breathes just fine...

The situation may not be the same, the outcome, hopefully, will not be and the uncertainty isn't as mysterious as it was the first time round. But she never stops praising herself for being determined, more strong willed and deeply deeply passionate about him no matter the distance. She likes this time and wouldn't mind it if it happened once in while. It reminds her that she is still very much her own person, that she is independent and also her friends that are important are truly her friends and not because they belong from a plus one. Behind it all, she is grateful and this time round she is not fooled by people and the whole situation.

There are times where a little depending can be vice versa...

This time round it feels like there are more positives, more good things and that some of the long awaited dreams will for once be granted. Oh, how she wish it would so desperately. It's amazing how caught up she is in this whole process, one where it would still survive and thrive without her. She likes being the small escape route, the tiny fresh breath, or that slight distraction from everything else. She can be that for him and comes strangely like second nature. Its nice that once in a while she can do the supporting and the distractions. That's what she loves.

consuming time together.

Some of the time we are blind enough to fool ourselves...

There were times where she thought she had it all under control. She knew what she was saying, what she was doing and why she wanted it the way that she wanted things to be. Every mention was made for all the wrong reasons, and all the unsatisfying reasons were without any common sense. Every time you let it happen, you let it consume you, you let it control you. While some of her concerns were within reason, some were just that she wanted more, always wanting more from you. She wants what she has always felt and believed were true to her, your passion for her and hers for you.

In time we only begin to understand ourselves and each other...

There's no apologies that can make up for all the stupid mistakes she has made among the ones that did make sense. She wished that she had realised it all, that she has seen it and grasp the situation faster than she has now. It seems that it's all about mending what's been wrong instead of understanding and working on what could of been wrong. The irony of it all is that she thought she was doing just that, making things better. So maybe somewhere, you can see that she thought she was trying to find that passion you bestowed on her before and that she only wants it to live forever.

Most of the time we will be alright and that's what we need...

She learned a hard lesson. Possibly because she fooled herself into thinking that life will eventually work out alright. That together things will be okay and that you still want to be just as crazy as you ever were for her. It's not your fault, she just wanted to be forever loved by you. She wanted you to show her. She realises now that she was the one making it difficult, the one that couldn't accept, the one that had nothing but resistance. That was her being selfish. Yet despite this, she knew it, and she wanted for once to be the one that was the selfish one. You did everything you could, she can see that now.

In all of time that's left we will make it through...

She's going to do all that you have done for her as long as you keep trying for her as well. She will forget that it's all about her and have faith in you and your dreams. She will believe in hope once more and maybe it will be enough to get her through it. The truth is that it's scary, after five years, she needs you more than ever and it seems that she needs to be stronger for you, for you both. She wants more than your promises, it feels like its not enough. She needs more as you need more from her. She wants to be sure that you understand what you are doing and that she will always try to be the best she can for you, from now on. She hopes you believe her.

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I need more than your promises to completely let go...

At least I understand better than I did a week ago...

I hope it's not too late...

re-adjusting what's left.

Where the dreams are suppose to come true...

It didn't take long for it all to fall apart. The time management, the assessments and the need to stay on top of everything. It just crumbled in less that three weeks. How did it fall so fast and so hard even before I saw it happening this time. It doesn't matter. All I know is that I have to try again to be on top, to work harder, to manage myself better. After-all I want those High Distinctions.

Where the friendships come and go...

It's hard to keep in check what everyone’s differences are. What to say to who and what not to say to others. Sometimes you just know that it would never happen, and some times its for the best. But when you try so hard to make things work why do some things that just disintegrate in your hands so easily. At least there is love in the places that I know will understand. I have the friends, that mean enough to me.

Where working together is just as important...

Some times it takes a little bit more than just patience to deal with the problems that you knew where always there. But some times it takes others just that little bit longer to see the truth with their eyes. And trust me, if you be cruel, it will show. I will be fair but it will be with everyone, not just what you demand. I am fair, no matter what you think.

Where there is never enough time for you...

I miss those times that we spent all to ourselves. Where did they go and how come I can't get them back. I miss that one hour of just you and I. It never seems enough.