holding onto useless air.

In this little world that you have created for yourself...

You may think that when everything is in its little order that everything is perfect in your eyes. In this bubble you are in you believe that it is alright to act the way that you do. The honest truth is that its not. No one sees your world the way you do and no one cares how perfect your world may be because they don't have to live in it and fit into your criteria on how people should behave according to you. So don't be surprised when no one wants to visit you let alone live in it with you.

When it gets hard to breath because all you do is fight...

Its difficult to continuously just walk around wondering what kind of mood you are in and what kind of attitude you may project, not just on a daily basis, but on a constant basis. Doesn't it get tiring always trying to fit everything into your little world and then arguing over nothing when it doesn't fit? She's over trying to let it go every time your mood changes for some unknown reason. She's not going to just step aside to let you just walk all over people because you think that's the way it should be. If you want to fight, then be ready to fight because she's not just going to stand around anymore and let you get away with it.

Some day it will catch up to you and then you may finally understand...

I'm not worried about myself or about what you may think of me. I know what people are like and to be telling the truth I don't like people like you. You are stupid to think that I will just let you get away with it. That stupid childish actions will win the wars. The truth is that if you continue the way that you are, it's not me that you will be fighting with the the whole world. But by then its probably just too late. Think what you like, do what you think is right and be rude, stubbborn and unpleasent. In the end I won't lose out because its not me that has become that. It is yourself.

without you.

Leap far...

When she told you that she wanted to run away, she never thought you would find great heights to jump from. Some days she would take the risk and jump as far and from as high as you wanted her to so that she could just be with you no matter where she landed. Yet, those days seem far from her because your mind keeps changing so constantly. She could never jump high enough or leap far enough to satisfy your ever growing list of changes.

Great heights...

Stop asking those awkward questions that she will never have the answers to. Those 'what ifs' and 'maybes' mean nothing unless they are actually planned out and full in force. She cannot say what you want to hear in hopes that you will just stop asking those questions, because she knows that it would be wrong, no matter how much your blue eyes plead.

Emotional traps...

She knows that you'll trap her. If you haven't already. She knows the lengths that she has to go to be with you in a life that you will be happy with. Her happiness is the simplest of ones, as long as she's with you, and that's where you have her bound to you. Give her a chance to live life and not worry constantly about the future that you so desperately have missed out on. She understands the sacrifices, she understands your sacrifices and she knows that this is your way of loving life.

"I don't want to do it without you..."

That's all it takes to trap her in...

consuming time together.

Some of the time we are blind enough to fool ourselves...

There were times where she thought she had it all under control. She knew what she was saying, what she was doing and why she wanted it the way that she wanted things to be. Every mention was made for all the wrong reasons, and all the unsatisfying reasons were without any common sense. Every time you let it happen, you let it consume you, you let it control you. While some of her concerns were within reason, some were just that she wanted more, always wanting more from you. She wants what she has always felt and believed were true to her, your passion for her and hers for you.

In time we only begin to understand ourselves and each other...

There's no apologies that can make up for all the stupid mistakes she has made among the ones that did make sense. She wished that she had realised it all, that she has seen it and grasp the situation faster than she has now. It seems that it's all about mending what's been wrong instead of understanding and working on what could of been wrong. The irony of it all is that she thought she was doing just that, making things better. So maybe somewhere, you can see that she thought she was trying to find that passion you bestowed on her before and that she only wants it to live forever.

Most of the time we will be alright and that's what we need...

She learned a hard lesson. Possibly because she fooled herself into thinking that life will eventually work out alright. That together things will be okay and that you still want to be just as crazy as you ever were for her. It's not your fault, she just wanted to be forever loved by you. She wanted you to show her. She realises now that she was the one making it difficult, the one that couldn't accept, the one that had nothing but resistance. That was her being selfish. Yet despite this, she knew it, and she wanted for once to be the one that was the selfish one. You did everything you could, she can see that now.

In all of time that's left we will make it through...

She's going to do all that you have done for her as long as you keep trying for her as well. She will forget that it's all about her and have faith in you and your dreams. She will believe in hope once more and maybe it will be enough to get her through it. The truth is that it's scary, after five years, she needs you more than ever and it seems that she needs to be stronger for you, for you both. She wants more than your promises, it feels like its not enough. She needs more as you need more from her. She wants to be sure that you understand what you are doing and that she will always try to be the best she can for you, from now on. She hopes you believe her.

--------------

I need more than your promises to completely let go...

At least I understand better than I did a week ago...

I hope it's not too late...

growing up in my eyes.

For all the reasons I cannot explain it will never be the way you want it to be...

Years of build up anger, frustrations, and regret after regret will not be erased by simply having a heartfelt conversation with you. You will never understand all the things that I have had to go through or had to endure to be here where I am today. I will not change who I am for you because you have finally realised that its time to speak out, time to be there for me, time to be a loving guidance in my life. The time for that was years ago. You stuffed up and I turned out okay, so I don't need you in the way you think I do. I don't care for your help because I have not needed it for years.

Its too late despite the fact that I will never grow up in your eyes....

I have done things that I do not and will not regret in my life. I did all those things for me, for what I believe in and for what I wanted in my life. I would not change it even though it would have made my life so much easier. It has made my life the way it is and made the me the way I am. It doesn't make me perfect and I know I am flawed but it is me and I found my strength to make what I am today. You do not get to take the credit for that.

There will always be that rift because you never understood me the way you should have...

I will continue to lie, to cheat and to deceive. I have no guilt towards you anymore because I flushed that out of my system long ago. You flushed it out of my system long ago. I will not stand by and be punished or have my self esteem squashed so far down that I do not even understand my existence. You never had the right to do that to me and yet you did. I have become a stronger person and I am not afraid of the things I use to be. You do not scare me. You do not run my life. You never did. There will be no change from me. There never will be.

It takes more than a talk.

It takes more than promises and apologies.

It's too late for me.

You will just have to deal with it.