selfish emotional being.

Maybe I should just run away...

I'm tired of distracting myself so I don't have to think about being alone.
I'm frustrated at the tears that so easily arrive whenever I think of it all.
I'm annoyed at trying to be pleased at everything when everything doesn't seem to matter.
I'm angry at everybody and nobody all at the same time.
I hate being asked how I am because I no longer have a pleasant answer.
I don't remember why I bother to get up in morning with no real purpose.
I'm confused about how I should be with you by my side, it's not the same anymore.
I'm upset because I will never get what I want.
I'm weak for not realising that no happiness is ever long lived.
I'm sad... and nothing seems to make it all go away... and I just want it to all go away.
I'm not sure what to do with myself now and forever.

 

After all nothing seems to make me as happy as I should.

growing up in my eyes.

For all the reasons I cannot explain it will never be the way you want it to be...

Years of build up anger, frustrations, and regret after regret will not be erased by simply having a heartfelt conversation with you. You will never understand all the things that I have had to go through or had to endure to be here where I am today. I will not change who I am for you because you have finally realised that its time to speak out, time to be there for me, time to be a loving guidance in my life. The time for that was years ago. You stuffed up and I turned out okay, so I don't need you in the way you think I do. I don't care for your help because I have not needed it for years.

Its too late despite the fact that I will never grow up in your eyes....

I have done things that I do not and will not regret in my life. I did all those things for me, for what I believe in and for what I wanted in my life. I would not change it even though it would have made my life so much easier. It has made my life the way it is and made the me the way I am. It doesn't make me perfect and I know I am flawed but it is me and I found my strength to make what I am today. You do not get to take the credit for that.

There will always be that rift because you never understood me the way you should have...

I will continue to lie, to cheat and to deceive. I have no guilt towards you anymore because I flushed that out of my system long ago. You flushed it out of my system long ago. I will not stand by and be punished or have my self esteem squashed so far down that I do not even understand my existence. You never had the right to do that to me and yet you did. I have become a stronger person and I am not afraid of the things I use to be. You do not scare me. You do not run my life. You never did. There will be no change from me. There never will be.

It takes more than a talk.

It takes more than promises and apologies.

It's too late for me.

You will just have to deal with it.