Wednesday, October 17, 2007

consuming time together.




Some of the time we are blind enough to fool ourselves...

There were times where she thought she had it all under control. She knew what she was saying, what she was doing and why she wanted it the way that she wanted things to be. Every mention was made for all the wrong reasons, and all the unsatisfying reasons were without any common sense. Every time you let it happen, you let it consume you, you let it control you. While some of her concerns were within reason, some were just that she wanted more, always wanting more from you. She wants what she has always felt and believed were true to her, your passion for her and hers for you.

In time we only begin to understand ourselves and each other...

There's no apologies that can make up for all the stupid mistakes she has made among the ones that did make sense. She wished that she had realised it all, that she has seen it and grasp the situation faster than she has now. It seems that it's all about mending what's been wrong instead of understanding and working on what could of been wrong. The irony of it all is that she thought she was doing just that, making things better. So maybe somewhere, you can see that she thought she was trying to find that passion you bestowed on her before and that she only wants it to live forever.

Most of the time we will be alright and that's what we need...

She learned a hard lesson. Possibly because she fooled herself into thinking that life will eventually work out alright. That together things will be okay and that you still want to be just as crazy as you ever were for her. It's not your fault, she just wanted to be forever loved by you. She wanted you to show her. She realises now that she was the one making it difficult, the one that couldn't accept, the one that had nothing but resistance. That was her being selfish. Yet despite this, she knew it, and she wanted for once to be the one that was the selfish one. You did everything you could, she can see that now.

In all of time that's left we will make it through...

She's going to do all that you have done for her as long as you keep trying for her as well. She will forget that it's all about her and have faith in you and your dreams. She will believe in hope once more and maybe it will be enough to get her through it. The truth is that it's scary, after five years, she needs you more than ever and it seems that she needs to be stronger for you, for you both. She wants more than your promises, it feels like its not enough. She needs more as you need more from her. She wants to be sure that you understand what you are doing and that she will always try to be the best she can for you, from now on. She hopes you believe her.


--------------


I need more than your promises to completely let go...
At least I understand better than I did a week ago...
I hope it's not too late...


Thursday, October 4, 2007

hoping for one last time.


Some things are not suppose to be repeated...
Others linger in the air waiting for the right moment...
There are times that the words spoken cannot always be heard the right way...
It is inevitable to let the words pass without any emotion stirring...
Letting it just slide, slip, and disintegrate into the air between seems easy...
Yet she knows she is fooling herself deep inside...
She waits for the day when it finally becomes reality despite everything...

Even as she hopes that it may never come...
It will be the last time she holds hope for anything...
One last time...


Saturday, September 22, 2007

rare and simple



There's a smile on my face that is rare these days...
I hope its not short lived...
I want it to stay...

Sunday, September 9, 2007

it's not much.


Adore me...
Remind me that I'm beautiful...
Pay attention to me...
Be affectionate towards me...
Treat me like a lady...
Romance me all the time...
Be spontaneous and surprise me...
Make me smile...
Hug me with teddy bear hugs...
Make all the effort I put in it be worth...
Seduce me even if its silly fun...
Want me all the time...
Think about me in positive ways...
Love me...

Really it's not much...
Really it's all I want...

Sunday, September 2, 2007

selfish emotional being.




Maybe I should just run away...

I'm tired of distracting myself so I don't have to think about being alone.
I'm frustrated at the tears that so easily arrive whenever I think of it all.
I'm annoyed at trying to be pleased at everything when everything doesn't seem to matter.
I'm angry at everybody and nobody all at the same time.

I hate being asked how I am because I no longer have a pleasant answer.
I don't remember why I bother to get up in morning with no real purpose.
I'm confused about how I should be with you by my side, it's not the same anymore.
I'm upset because I will never get what I want.
I'm weak for not realising that no happiness is ever long lived.
I'm sad... and nothing seems to make it all go away... and I just want it to all go away.
I'm not sure what to do with myself now and forever.

 
After all nothing seems to make me as happy as I should.

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