without you.

Leap far...

When she told you that she wanted to run away, she never thought you would find great heights to jump from. Some days she would take the risk and jump as far and from as high as you wanted her to so that she could just be with you no matter where she landed. Yet, those days seem far from her because your mind keeps changing so constantly. She could never jump high enough or leap far enough to satisfy your ever growing list of changes.

Great heights...

Stop asking those awkward questions that she will never have the answers to. Those 'what ifs' and 'maybes' mean nothing unless they are actually planned out and full in force. She cannot say what you want to hear in hopes that you will just stop asking those questions, because she knows that it would be wrong, no matter how much your blue eyes plead.

Emotional traps...

She knows that you'll trap her. If you haven't already. She knows the lengths that she has to go to be with you in a life that you will be happy with. Her happiness is the simplest of ones, as long as she's with you, and that's where you have her bound to you. Give her a chance to live life and not worry constantly about the future that you so desperately have missed out on. She understands the sacrifices, she understands your sacrifices and she knows that this is your way of loving life.

"I don't want to do it without you..."

That's all it takes to trap her in...

Operation; Think Happy (Pt.1)

Inspired by: Holly Homemaker

"I pledge to list 7 things that makes me happy, that makes me thankful, that makes me love life!"

1. Thinking that one day I will be emotional on the first day of the school year.
2. The smell of rain. Despite the gorgeous sunshine.
3. Kind comments from perfect strangers.
4. Holiday planning with a beautiful friend.
5. His trust in me.
6. Being shown that she is needed.
7. Creating mystery and spontaneity. 

planned forever ago.

Making her swoon and melt with just a look…

This new look he has seems to show her makes her swoon deeper and faster than before. The old actions with some old touches causes her melt rapidly. And of course the sweet whispers that he teases her with will be the complete end of her. It makes her wonder, ever so slightly, how he manages to find these new ways, mixed with the old, that cause this strange flurry of new emotions in her that are all dedicated to him. It’s something unpredicted by her but its got her where she definitely wants to be.

Holding on to her with dreams of forever…

She’s completely all for the random acts of loving her. In fact she adores it, wants it and remembers that first summer when she was young and naive all for him. Yet she knows that she is no longer that girl that she was so many years ago and that there are steps that will be taken soon that he has seemingly planned forever ago. She’s afraid and determined that what ever he asks of her, she will not say no and never falter without giving it a passionate try. But she knows that there’s a smile on her face at the end of it because she will do it all with him, and that’s the way she would always want it to be.

old romance with a dash of new fireworks.

Old fashioned light touches on her hips...

It's been such a long time since those days of nervous hugs and timid kisses. The hugs that seemed so new fitting together so effortlessly. Those touches so light and seem to explore all those untested paths. These days are now filled with certainty and unabashed affections. Sometimes the little things are forgotten along with the amount of time that seems to pass by. Sometimes new paths of uncharted territories need to be set. Sometimes its nice to just have the old romance rekindled more than for a little while. It reminds her of that summer that you taught her so much and of all the things that you learnt about her. Those emotions of whether forever is even possible and that it didn't really matter if there was a forever, just as long as there was a now because all time stood so still.

Fresh new fireworks igniting her heart...

When you reach for her it makes her feel so light hearted because it means that she is on your mind. When you place you hands so tightly on her hips it reminds her of your presence and if she leans back just a little she can feel the heat of your body against hers. When you kiss her with your eyes closed so tightly it reminds her that the only thing that you want in that one moment and only in that moment is the touch of your lips against hers. So when you put all of that together it makes her feel like those old times again, where there wasn't a second thought, that you couldn't get enough of all of it and she wouldn't believe that there was anything remotely relative to that feeling. The truth is, there really isn't after all of these years. She doesn't believe that there will ever be anything that will consume her as much as your touch.

Mix her a romance of old and new to make her melt...

Don't forget its always the smallest things that make her day, that cause her to swoon and to be reminded that after all these years you are grateful for the way things fit so well together with her. Otherwise she may forget that you are grateful, that you are happy and that you are indeed not just taking her for granted. Grab her hand when she's not looking, hug her tightly refusing to let go, kiss her when she least expects it and tell her why she's right for that forever you keep dreaming about. Some day she may forget how much you want her, how much you may adore her and how much you actually do need her if you forget to romance her in those little ways. But when you do, you make her melt, you make her smile sweeter and you most definitely remind her that beyond everything, after all these years, you are hers.

the thin line between wishing and wanting.

Where missing someone doesn't seem to mean enough...

There's a million things that she misses about having you so close. Some of them seem stupid, some of them quite valid and others are just bordering obsessive. She misses the way that you look at her, the way that you make plans for the two of them and calling whenever she wants to hear the sound of your voice. All those things are important to her and its hard to just deal with it all disappearing. Yet she always knew that it was going to be hard, she knew from the get go that it was never going to be perfect and that it was going to be a horrible way to communicate. But you insisted it would be fine and you promised it would work out. She believed you, maybe because she wanted to, but she's starting to feel like it's not going to be okay, and nothing is going to be fine about it.

Where wishing one thing and wanting another is a thin line...

She's at place where she knows that she can't win. She knows that what you want is important, in fact one of the most important things in your life and she would never want to stop you from doing anything that would jeopardize that. The truth is that she is supportive of you because it is the way she is and she knows how much you really want this dream of yours. She sometimes forgets the sacrifice that she has to face. But lately it seems that the sacrifices are bigger than the rewards. Some days she understands the score, its the other days that she realises that she doesn't want to do things this way and she never really wants it to be this way. She feels so selfish every time, but she's not threatening you or demanding that you choose one option or another, she just knows what she knew right from the beginning, there is nothing she can do that will mean she gets what she wants.

Waiting for that something extraordinary to happen...

The romantic hidden away in her wants the something extraordinary to show that all this and more is worth it. The truth is right now she can't see the happy ending that you keep insisting on. She needs something more solid, more tangible, to truly even be convinced that it will work out in the end. Some times it feels like she's trying so hard, but not exactly sure what for because you never tell her anything except that it will be fine. That's not enough, not if you really want this to work the way that you want it to be. She's tired of relying on hope despite the fact that it's one of the things that she lives with. For now she'll keep trying, and keep being as supportive as she can but she doesn't know how long she can continue to do it until it becomes a thin line of regret.