the end of one bad chapter.

 
In the made up delusions of your mind...
 
I don't understand you. I really just don't. It would be quite simple for me to ask you what your problem is but in the end I would be wasting my seconds with you. You are simply just a waste of space. I am just so tired of your stupidity and delusions. You don't need me to tell you who you are because to be absolutely honest with you, something you know I do no matter what and you forever compliment me on, you know it and guess what, everyone's knows it as well. You would deny everything and turn the entire situation about you and your frelled up life. And your life is frelled up, but not in the way you think it is. You are fucked, really fucked. Go get help, in any way you can, because one day it may just be your absolute demise.

The world according to your soap opera...
 
I know everything that goes on. Why? Because unlike you my friends are honest to me, they know the things that will hurt me need to be told by them so they can help me out and most of all because if you say something that will hurt me they will warn me no matter what. That is what my friends do so don't you DARE say or blame what they pretended to say to you. Just because you want all those silly teenage implications in your life does not mean any of us want to waste away our life with you. Yes, you're on your own because you are definitely delusional. You can say whatever the frell you want about me or him but trust me no one believes that he is jealous of you, GET OVER YOURSELF NOW before you make a worse fool of yourself than you already are. There are people laughing at you behind your back. That's how honest I am.

You let history repeat itself in the worse possible way...
 
I had told you once and I will not be as gentle as I was before. Do not get in my way, in anyway. You've made the mistake once and you didn't have enough of my anger at you? I will not hold back like last time. I will not make peace with you like I did. What you mean to me is absolutely nothing. I am not lying nor exaggerating. You bring this frustration into my life that I just can't shake off. What the hell is wrong with you? What the hell made you this way? What made you so insane? I really just don't know. I tried to really just hold my tongue but, my god, you really need to hold yours and think about things before you say them. That's advice, just like this entire entry.

This emotional rollercoaster...
 
I have been angry and frustrated with you for so long. But it was only last night that I was really just upset by you. I have truly had enough of you. I do not ever want to see your face because you have caused so much pain and misery into my life. You do not deserve anything that I give you, not even my anger. I treat strangers better than you because I think they deserve it more, that's how low you have put yourself out there to me. Everyone who was there last night, will know how angry and sad and completely horrified at the things that I know are not the truth. Especially since it was three to four of them telling me on separate occasions of the things you have said. I do not ever want to see you and I truly believe it. You have not made any attempts to better yourself and I feel sorry for you.

Since you run away at every truthful encounter...
 
You never want to talk to me about it even though you claim you want to. Do not say that you want to sort things out with me especially when I have tried on two separate occasions to speak to you about it and you run away. Every knows this too, you can lie all you want. So here is the truth from me the way you like it.

• I thought maybe I could grow to somehow tolerate you. I know now that I was being delusional, it will never happen, not ever.
• He does not speak to you because you think he is jealous of you and your boyfriend, that's just you making it all up. You treated him badly, you treated me badly, you treated his best friend badly, he believes himself that you are a waste of space. Ask him yourself, after all he's been waiting for this stupid talk you so call want to speak to him about.
• Do not think that you can say that a certain two people told you that he is jealous of you. I asked them directly to their face and they said no. Yes, I will back up everything you say so don't lie.
• NO ONE IS JEALOUS OF YOU. She is not jealous of your boyfriend, no one is. Get over it now.
• I cannot speak for everyone else really, but I have had enough.
• I do not know why you have obsession with my boyfriend. Ever since the beginning. Even before you met me. I want to make it quite clear that everyone knows how much we mean to each other and that's not from us telling them. They know it because they have seen it. You cannot claim to be friends or try to be with either of us if you keep thinking and believing yourself that he has some sort of crush on you. That he is jealous and that he is just with me for no good reason. No one knows what the hell you are on. Even that first time when you claimed that he liked you because he poked you. (Please do not tell me how much you love your boyfriend, because its the oldest claim in the world.)
• There are a lot of people out there who have a lot of anger towards you. They usually direct at me because I have made it publicly known that I do not to have anything to do with you. You have lost my friendship. Rethink your ways before you lose more of the friends you think are loyal to you. You know as well as I do that why some people may seem polite to your face they have other thoughts of you behind it.

 
I want you just to learn, really learn. Because you will lose your life in your mind if you keep thinking of soap opera ways to make your life more exciting. Real life will never tolerate your delusional thoughts. One more thing before I completely and utterly wipe you out of my life: wake up to yourself, you need to not because you have a choice. You will lose a lot of wonderful and beautiful people who will protect you with all their might if you do not be honest and stop making things up to make yourself feel better. They will make you feel better when you deserve it. You really need to think about everything you have done and everything you have said.

the world can do without...

Frell people that think the world revolves around their moods.

Get it straight... woman...

It doesn't!!!

One less thing I could care less about.

delusional demands.

Every demanding need...

No matter how hard you try to demand, try to threaten or try to convince her she's just not convinced you want it all in her best interests. Don't try to use ways to try and get her to fall into your traps or the stupidity that she will just fall to her knees at your selfish commands. She knows what she wants, she knows the consequences of what she has to do and sometimes, for once, someone else can deal with the mess left behind.

This once, she doesn't want to be the one to deal with it...

The delusions of the world...

it will be right.

Hoping and wishing for everything to go right...

Why does it have to be so difficult?

Hopeful...

day one.

New Year all but an illusion...

It's amazing how many times New Year comes around and only till now did she realise that it doesn't matter how many times it comes by nothing really changes. You make your resolutions, you hope to wash out the grudges and you hope that a change in number of the year will be exactly a new start or even just a start to anything small and worthwhile. This time she's not fooled by the drunkenness, the well wishing, the hope of a wonderful new year. This year is like any year. Another challenge and once again people do not change no matter how frelling cheerful they may convince themselves to her.

The Years of New lies...

So has she become a bitter person because of years of backstabbing and stupidity of the people that she knows. No, she thinks that she has become wise and she feels the age that comes with the unwanted wise-ness. It's been an extremely long year with all the shit that comes with it. She realises that she's cried her fair share of tears, yelled her lungs dry, felt a new anger for people in the depth of her soul. It's a year where she took a week at a time, a day at a time and never planned or predicted any further than it was ever needed to.

There's a New place in every Year...

Yet despite all these negative things she's realised this year what things really do mean the world to her. She's figured out the things that bring joy in her life, the importance of the things that make her smile, the friendships that sometimes seem to be the only that brings a smile to her lips, the passion that can be bestowed on her at various moment of the long year that had come and gone by. These are the things that she knows she wants in life. Not the stupid childish behavior, or the sour moods that people inject to others, or even the highs and lows that a few numbers can bring.

In every New Year...

So there are no resolutions, because she plans to live week by week, day by day. She won't be fazed by the stupidity of people, the backstabbing of life, and the things that make her want to throw stones at. She will savor the moments of passion, the kindness of people, the jokes that make her laugh and giggle. This year...