despite its worth.

Despite it all...

Miss me.

Want me.

Need me.

Kiss me.

Hug me.

Have me.

Hate me.

Love me.

For what its worth...

For all you care...

tears that will end.

It always begins with a sentence...

Each time she begins the subject it ends with a game of stubbornness and strong-wills. She falls into a circle where she does nothing but go round and round. It's frustrating, annoying and completely does nothing to help anything. Once, it was the answer, it made a difference and it solved everything that every got in between. So has all things that she thought would never change, changed...

The tears that will end...

There's no more crying on her part, and she will never self doubt herself in the ways that she has falsely done in the past. This is where she ends with all the things that annoy you, that drives you insane, that causes so much heartache and tears every time it happens. Its been too often, completely and utterly spiraled out of hand. She will solve it herself, deal with every emotion without you and your questioning. She will do the things that make her happy, she doesn't need you for that.

It will end with a smile on her face...

Whatever the outcome she will know that she did it for herself, for her sanity and definitely for her happiness. She does not want to fall into the same cycle where she is dependent on you that she cannot even save herself. You will never have to solve another problem again even if you are to blame. This the solution to the question that you are forever asking...

-----------------

Inspired by; A conversation with Marnie...

(Thank you for listening... even with your own situation...)

within every impression.

In every word, in every sentence...

I just realise that I contradict a lot of the things that I write in here...

One moment I'm on a high, the next on a low about the same thing...

Does anyone else get that impression?

I've decided that I might try a different writing approach...

If I have the guts...

Life will always be erratic with him...

viciously warm liqueur

In the cool air with warm liqueur...

She could of just left him there, in the dark, in the cold to freeze. Let his heart freeze over with hatred, anguish and the unrealistic realization that she is just like every other girl... demanding and hopeless. Once, she wouldn't of cared, she would of let him sit there for all she cared because she didn't need a life with his unattractive ways. She didn't want to be the one to give in first at every sign of trouble, she shouldn't need to either. Right now, right here in this time, she has learned to changed... unfortunately.

Beneath the dark sky and light heads...

She feels somewhat cheated every time that she gives in. Like she loses the battle even when she shouldn't have. But she knows that deep down that there is no other way, someone, in the end always gives in, it just happens to be her. Despite it all, nothing ever gets resolved, in fact she walks away with a heavy heart knowing that when he says its solved its solved. She's learning this fact too well. She's realising that things can change with time, no matter what they are.

With heartfelt words and vicious truths...

In the end, she kisses him, hugs him, gives him every benefit of the doubt. Every time. This time will be the last. Despite herself promising that for so long, she will not be played for a fool or be so easily controlled. There is no next time for her anymore. She's not sure what she will do, all she knows is that she will never be the first to fall, it hasn't worked for her to begin with. She will not give up so easily anymore to keep the peace, peace will have to learn to come to her.

She is not every other girl... neither demanding or hopeless.

She is herself in every way... whether you can accept that or not.

---------------------

She understands that she makes life difficult for you on occasions. She never use to, she knows. But back then things were different, she was more wanted, needed, less complicated. She will not turn out like every other girlfriend, she refuses to turn out like every other girlfriend, she has always said that, so she will not say anymore the things that she has said. Just don't expect her to treat you different from the way she feels you have treated her. She doesn't need the public hugs or kisses or affection, in fact you know that she shies away from those things because she finds it rude and uncomfortable for those around. Acknowledgement does not include these public displays, it just simply means that she will no longer tolerate being noticed when you want to notice her.

in-between her fears.

The thin line between tears and happiness...

She's a little overwhelmed, a little lost and in a little bit of a haze. She still trying to fully understand where she stands, where he stands and them in utter general. It's not a bad thing, it's not a tragic thing and definitely not a mistake. In her heart, in her soul, she didn't expect herself to feel the way she does now. She feels like she should run a mile yet at the same time not move, suspend time, savor the moment. It confuses her to a point that she doesn't know who she is anymore.

He knows the truth between her fears...

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Sunday, 14th May, 2005

43rd Month Anniversary...