you're just a stepping stone

Don't look at me with angry eyes...

It's always been like this. Always angry, always tempers, always threatening to hurt each part of me. Yell all you like, be pissed off with whatever might be wrong in your life, don't expect me to give a shit or be affected by it in anyway. I simply couldn't give half a shit about your behavior anymore. There are something in my life I know I could of done better, avoided the arguments, but right now, the past is in the past, and your unhelpful attitude is right there with it.

Turning away without a second glance...

I use to think I needed to care about what you said, but you never once praised me on anything that I actually did right in my life, if there was any by you. I'm suppose to care what you say but over the many years I've learned long and hard and with the free flowing tears that all you ever do is make me upset whenever I have found the right puzzle to my already hectic life. I don't care about anything from you, unless you change because I'm sick of changing just for you.

Anger and upsetting me will not work anymore...

You can eat that anger you have for me because no one else could give two shits about it anymore, especially me. In fact, unless you get over the past, move onto the better future, I can't give a shit in anything you say about me or everything that I do. Be a stubborn mule, because I know I can never resolve it with you because it's who you are. At least I tried to mend things with you even though I knew they would never work, you always take the back ward step. Walk as far back wards as you want from now on I won't be there to help you forward.

I've given up on trying to be anything to you...

You don't deserve my attention anymore.

-------------------

Unfortunately this has happened more than once in my life with only one person who can make me feel so useless. No human being can make you feel that way and this time I will not let it happen to me. A feud of 19 years and it will stop for me right now because I have been reinventing my life and this is just another step. That's right, just a step and nothing more. I couldn't care less. Not inspired tonight just angry and relieved to realize how to deal with such a useless situation.

for you

For the one with a strong heart of gold...

There are so many things that I would say, that I feel should be said to make you feel better. Yet I look at you and that beautiful brave face and I know that you know what you need to do. So I want to just give you a hug for being one of the most solid friends I could ever have. Mend that heart of pain, nautrally smile with perfection  and my dear, you will shine with all the happiness in the world. You will find the love that you once bestowed on another and you feel that this love will overwhelmed you without the excuses. Look after that heart of gold because it wouldn't be you without it.

For the one with challenges up ahead...

Things have been rough for a very long time, I know that you don't want that and you are in my mind a very fair person. So when you give him second chances, I wonder how you can find that strength in you when I can barely find the courage to deal with first chances of any kind. "Never let a fling throw a relationship away..." That will forever stay with me because there is so much conviction in that one sentence. Look after your own happiness for no matter the romantic fantasies.

For the one where the future brings happiness to others...

It's been a long time coming, through the tension and unknown feelings towards each other. Though I did not plan to solve this, it has been solved. At least at this moment we are at an understanding, something that we have lacked constantly. Friendship may be one path but there are things that I will not sacrifice the truth. Beware of that. As for him, I am happy that he is finally at ease. Look after the things that you say and do for the sake of other people.

For the one who will make me rawr...

The truth hurts when you say them out loud, but they are the truth neither the less. Apologies mean very little in situations like this. I hope that a little time and a little patience is something that you can bestow upon me. I have done a lot of wrongs in the past with you, and while I have the darkest convictions all mapped out it seems the hardest part is to do right by it. Just don't treat me without a second thought. Look after the anger you may have for me.

Inspired by:

Each person that I have written in each paragraph, you know who you are...

forever's time

She will not be waiting forever...

She doesn't have to wait forever...

She doesn't need to wait forever...

I have stopped waiting...

fantasy of denials

Electrified touches...

She's almost forgotten what it's like to feel surrounded by a space, however small, and feel her arms prickle without a touch, her heart skip with stupidity and her eyes shine with silent laughter. It was that one particular act, that one undeniable dream that will be etched into her memory, guilty and thoughtful. After so long it's reignited, reborn and affects her unconditionally.

Unconscious depths...

It's not about the romance, it's not even about people that inscribe such passion into her life, it's about that undeniable heart that wants to grab hold onto this feeling forever, feeding off it, making it one conscious need after the other. It's hard to control when every inch of her body misses such feelings, the old old feelings of unconditional freedom.

A fantasy of denials...

She knows she doesn't need to live like this, even though her heart continually undermines her strong willed mind. No matter the convictions, the unimaginable fantasy it may create and the burning touch it leaves on her skin, she will not be fooled by a hopeless accessory. While she will fall just a little when every time it strikes, she will climb back and remember the things that give her the real passion in her life... him...

&& Inspired by: Old and new and forever lives...

ambitious aims.

Indecisive ambitions...

It all seems in the past, how she wasn't sure of the life she was leading. She wanted success, but in which way? An unbreakable relationship, a strong sense of will, the unconditional family... All of that she soon realizes is not what her ambitions, her senses, her gut is telling her. They are important to lead a full and intent life but it is not the one thing that can grab her heart, direct her ears, and focus her eyes on to something she could spend the rest her life engulfed in.

Interrogate every aim...

She's finally found the one thing that she can safely, comfortable and unconditionally let herself go. It doesn't look at her with a narrow mind, it opens up the limitations, gives her things and no things at the same time. It lets her hand and mind join and in doing so causes her whole body to rise with anticipation. It seems all her life has lead up to this, to this one decisive moment.


Wanting it's necessity...

She felt overwhelmed, inexperienced but so overly excited because as silly as it sounds, as impossible as it may seem, she has found the one thing that she was aiming for her entire life. Every piece of writing, every shade of color, every representation of poetry, every touch of life she gave one piece of space, all of this will make her into a designer that will never forget the path to fulfilling her ambitions.
 

&& Inspired by: Industrial Design Fundamentals Lecture…