Goodbye.

It was time for a change.

I have now moved to Wordpress.

http://cazzaa.wordpress.com

See you on the other side!

The Bridezilla Edition

I decided that it would probably be more entertaining for everyone (especially myself) to track my way through the stacks of bridal magazines, forest of bridal gowns, learning about flowers and all the little details that weddings seem to consist of.

I've been told by my lovely maid of honor that I am a bridezilla no matter how I see it. So I guess that can only make it all that more entertaining...

Enjoy!

Searching.

After a while when you think that everything is fine, all the reasons that you had no longer seem to be important or make any sense. Its when you think that nothing can hurt, when you believe that you have it all figured out in your head and when you let go thinking that you are safe without a doubt. That's when it attacks, without warning, with so much force and you realise that nothing you say makes any sense, all the convincing in your head was just for convincing yourself that it was a good idea in the first place.

So its time to take a step back. Breathe one breath at a time and try and remember the true reasons. And when those true reasons hurt you and those that are important then you can begin to fix it. But new habits that become old habits that are not easy to let go of. The truth is where do you go after it all. You can't continue, you can't go back.  So you're stuck.

So I'm searching again.

Looking for the right formula.

But I don't know what is right anymore...

8 years + 1 day

There are some moments in life where everything stands still, you don't care where you are or what you were doing at the time because in that one moment you see the past flash forward the future of everything with him.

He leads her on unsuspectingly. She wears a red dress and puts on her best heels. She's just excited that he agreed to go as her date for the night. So when he suggests that they take a walk before the ball it doesn't even click to her as to why. She simply believes its because he simply wants to spend time with her.

As they walk through the city streets she chatters away with excitement for the night. As he leads her to the ball she doesn't even realise he's been quitely thinking to himself the whole time. And once in a while as they walk towards the harbour edge she looks at him and smiles to herself. She's amazed by them, everything that makes them the way they are as a couple and that it makes them extremely lucky to be with each other.

He leads her to the harbour edge and to a grassy area near the rocks. It's been a rainy day and the clouds have scared away the daylight leaving them with the last bit of light of the day. She stands at the spot where he has lead her and she looks out to the icons of Sydney. As she stands there she points out that they are between the Harbour Bridge and the Opera House, not even realising that he's no longer really paying attention. She points out the brave people beginning their climb up the Harbour Bridge while he stands behind her without making sudden movements to scare her away.

It is at that moment in time that he stand right up behind her, she leans back so softly against his chest, his arms wrapped around her and with her sighing softly into his arms, an action that they have repeated so many times that never grows old. He finds that perfect moment that they are so destined to have. He speaks softly into her ear.

"Carrie, will you marry me?"

And before she has time to react to the question he holds a small blue box in front of her, a swirl of a ring with sparkles of diamonds dances in front of her and her heart races to catch up with her breath. In that moment she must have stopped, must have paused so long in her head and in her heart that she doesn't really know how long she really took to answer him.

As she takes a deep breath and she feels herself tear up at just the amazement, the shock and the love of it all. She answers his question in a single breath.

"Yes, of course I will."

 

He releases the engagement ring  from its confined box and slides it onto her finger as the rain starts to sprinkle down. She turns in his arms, wraps her arms around his neck, kisses him until they are both out of breath and whispers her love for him and his for her. And as she looks at him, at this man, this truely amazing man she realises that not once did she ever doubt her answer. He looks at her and tells her not to cry otherwise she'll ruin her makeup and all she can do is laugh and cry more.

She turns round and looks out to the harbour and points to the brave people still climbing the Harbour Bridge and tells him that they hadn't even reached the top yet. All he can do is laugh at her silliness. What he doesn't know is that her heart is beating so fast and for her, this is a future that she is so ready to take with him and only him.

He intwines her left hand tightly with his right hand and she feels the ring heavy and powerful on her finger. But it feels right, it feels perfect because he exceeded her expectation his own unique way. She cannot stop herself from smiling and from making her heart skip beats at the future that he has presented to them both, together.

In her heart, she has realised that in this moment, how important it is to them both. It's made her realise how much more she loves him than she really did in the beginning and it doesn't scare her as it would have done in the past.

After exactly eight years and one day, he has stolen her heart completely and she has no reason not to let him do it.

In a world of far far away...

She's been away for far too long. There are no real reasons for it. Simply the fact that life overwhelmed her and took her through a rough patch and then a smooth patch and then took her round again. There are things that changed in her life that she didn't anticipate. Then there are things that took her breath away without caring if she would recover. Finally, there were those things that will change her future and her life in a way that she didn't think was possible. All in all, its amazing and despite the need to get through the lows, she's here now. She's going to power through because it is the way that it is and it is beautif.

She is about to step into the next part of her life. Yet whether there is any warning, its going to happen and she is so ready for whatever it has to bring. After all, what has she got to lose?